I love a good
bitch rant, who doesn’t?
And lucky for us Mummy Barrow has provided us a safe a cosy place to vent our rants.
I used to be a commuter, a tedious journey from the coast up to the ‘delightful town’ of Croydon, depending on where I lived the journey was between 1h 10 mins and 1h 30 mins, each way, unless of course there was a delay and it could take 6 hours!
I have a problem with commuters who don’t abide the unwritten Commuter Code, even worse are those who dare get on the commuter train who aren’t even commuters.
I have a long list of issues so I’ll list them
- Seats, they are for bums, not a suitcase, not your dirty shoes, your handbag, your filthy dog and certainly not for taking a piss on. I don’t care if you handbag cost £200, chuck it on the floor or keep it on your lap, I will move it for you.
- Arm rests, DO NOT EVER try to ‘discreetly’ nudge a persons arm off the rest, there is nothing discreet about relentlessly knocking a persons arm in the hope they will let you have the arm rest, if you want ask, otherwise I will be jabbing my elbow in your kidney.
- Feet, you very well may be a freakishly tall person, with legs that can’t fit under the table, shockingly this doesn’t entitle you to kick my ankles in the hope that my feet will suddenly disappear up my arse allowing you the extra room to unfold your legs. I will kick back and I glare, and I will make a big deal out of it if you do it again.
- Music, your choice is crap, neither I nor anyone else want to listen to it, especially through a pair of tinny sounding headphones, if you must share your music, bring a Brixton Suitcase and play it properly.
- Food, it stinks and you chew like a cow, just don’t do it.
- Newspapers, I paid for my paper, piss off and buy your own, stop reading over my shoulder. Don’t spread the paper as wide as it it go, it will get in someone’s face, piss them off and they will be forced to rip your paper in half, again.
- Books, if you see someone reading a book you have already finished DO NOT tell them the ending, of you do, be prepared to stump up the money for the book you have ruined!
- Mobile phone conversations, no one cares who you name drop, what you have / had for dinner or who you pulled, keep it down!
- Getting on a train, ALWAYS let the people off the train first,if you try to push past me onto the train so you can get the last seat, I will push off train.
- Getting off a train, sometimes you will have to move to allow people to get off the train, shocking but true, deliberately getting in my way will result in you being shoved to the side to allow me to pass.
- The loo, you wouldn’t leave your home bathroom in that state, don’t leave a public bathroom covered in your “stuff”.
- Sweaty dude, you are nasty and disgusting, lifting up your sweat drenched t-shirt and resting your sweat covered naked back on the seat is gross DON’T DO IT.
- Apple dude, we get it, you work for Apple, and own EVERY SINGLE Apple product, but do you really have to place every item on the table thus preventing anyone else from using it
- Porn dude, DUDE change your browser or whatever so we don’t all see *that* at 6.20 in the damn morning.
I think that’s it for now, wow, over 10 years this has been building, feels good to get it out.
Normally I’m such a nice and calm person, really I am, but once I step foot on that train, all bets are off.
People have often thought that as I’m only 5’2” they can easily ‘bully’ me, umm no, you can’t, I will take you down. I’ll probably feel bad and ruin it by apologising, but you’ll get the message!
If you need to get something off your chest or just fancy reading some more rants, hop over to Mummy Barrow and see who else is ranting!