Beating Depression & PTSD ~ Light At The End Of The Tunnel

There was a time, not all that long ago, where I didn’t think I’d make it.

I wasn’t living, barely existing.

Waking up, if I even fell asleep, left me dreading the day ahead, not even the thought of my kids could get any enthusiasm from me to get up and do something.

The slightest thing could set me off in to a snarling, vicious, hateful rage, aimed at no one but myself.

I was unable to leave the house alone.

Thoughts of seeing people, of being outside, left me curled on the floor, paralysed as a panic attack stole  my breath and tried to rip my heart through my chest.

When I did venture out, I needed someone with me, even then panic attacks would hit me, being unable to breathe or move, knowing everyone was looking, pointing and judging.

Slowly, somehow, things have changed.

My mood swings still scare the hell out of me, they are triggered by such inconsequential events I can’t avoid them, but they no longer come as often.

Some mornings I wake up and have such enthusiasm for the day to start, it’s all I can do not to throw the window open and sing!

The panic attacks still hit me, leaving me shaken and doubting any progress I’ve made, but they don’t come as often as they once did.

I’m no longer positive that the only way for my children to have a happy childhood is for me to not be in it.

I can now even go outside, without having someone with me!

The thought of leaving the house still gives me a panic attack, I get freaked out by large crowds.

But I’m making progress, slowly things are changing.

The point of my ramblings?

Depression is a nasty, isolating bitch of an illness, it can rip your life apart in ways you never thought possible.

But it doesn’t have to define you.

It can and does get better, and whilst I don’t think I’ll ever escape it completely, I know I can live with it.

Life is looking good!

depression, mental health, mental illness

5 comments :

  1. I have such sympathy for you. You've been in hell. Am glad to learn you're beginning to feel better. Try and picture the bridge behind you burning so you can never return to that place. ((hugs)).

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  2. I understand you completely! I struggled with depression some years ago and as you say I couldn't even get out of bed. Not that I was sleeping much...
    Things can get better! At first you learn to live with it and then it's like a shadow from the past that haunts you sometimes. The most important thing is not to listen to people who "judge" you because of the life you left behind. When you get better you can catch up with it, no matter what the others tell you! Don't let them bring you down and don't try to justify yourself, as they won't understand...
    Love Rylie!

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  3. My heart goes out to you and I applaud your courage to fight this dreadful illness. I wish you a positive mind and the courage to go all the way!:)


    God bless.
    Sumaya

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  4. Mental illness can be totally crippling and because it's not 'physical' people have a hard time trying to explain how it is to live with it. I suffer with bouts of depression and can totally sympathise. It's a real day to day struggle and change is always slow. Keep strong and positive and focus on the good times :) x

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  5. I've just been told that i may have PTSD, and i dont want to have it as i think its just for people like in the movies. And im finding it very hard to cope right now, my parents dont know, my sisters dont know and im just in denial and im only 16. I dont know what my next step needs to be but i am seeing a counsellor.

    ReplyDelete

Thank's for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate each one! I'll try to reply to all comments via email unless you are a no~reply, then I'll pop a reply under your comment!

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