Quiet Moments

.Escaping the fog of depression has given me a thirst for life, the realisation that this is it.

There is no do over, no matter how much I may want to not have lost 7 years they are gone, and rather than mourn the loss of time and experiences I didn’t appreciate at the time, it’s now time to focus on the future and not the past.

For a while I thought I needed to do something grand, a big gesture that would show everyone that I did indeed appreciate life and all its quirky adventures, big and small.

That I was worthy of this second chance.

But then I saw the words of a man who has just lost his friend to cancer.

His words were honest, raw and more emotive than I could ever hope to be. In those few words, from one man encased in grief I realised that I didn’t need to make any grand gestures, to either myself or anyone else, nor did I need to make any life altering decisions.

All I have to do is appreciate the here and now. It’s as simple as that.

It’s easy to get caught up in the hype that to live one must be and do ‘something’, but for many of us we are neither that adventurous nor complex.

It really is the simple things in life which mean most to me, the moments where I can be myself and just enjoy the simplicity of being quiet, weird, joyful or reflective. I don’t need to travel the world or risk life and limb to enjoy life, I’ve come to realise that I can do that just by being content.

canoe on the lake

So, I shall stop mourning for years I can neither change nor have back. I will appreciate the days to come, the adventure filled ones as well as mundane. I’ll stop worrying about those things I can’t change and learn to live with them rather than than let anger towards them fester.

This year has proven life is short, and only getting shorter by the day, now it’s time to make the most of it.

Latest trends & Hygge

I most often try to avoid trends and the latest fads, but I’ll admit I fell hard and fast in to the succulent and cacti craze which swept in last year.

repotting succulents

This year I managed to avoid them all, I might admire some from afar but not enough to become invested in any way whatsoever, that was until hygge started popping up everywhere.

Whether it’s the idyllic lifestyle hygge portrays or its association with happiness which appealed I don’t know. I do think my determination to prevent my depression from coming back this winter sparked my initial interest.

So, off I pootled to Waterstones to buy a book all about hygge. And that is where I got lost, there is no category under which these types of book fall, so after thrusting my phone under the store assistants nose and asking for some help in finding this book, I soon had a copy of The Art of Hygge by Jonny Jackson & Elias Larson in my hands.

I didn’t flick through the book, I just paid for my purchase and tootled off to continue with my day. I would advise you to always flick through a book such as this before purchasing.

It was a day or so until I had time to do more than flick past the first page or so….imagine if the best autumnal & winter Pinterest boards got together with the top autumnal & winter Instagram accounts and had a book baby, this book is that baby.

It’s super heavy on Instagram friendly photos with smattering of suggestions and ideas for getting your hygge on.

a bunch of hygge

This is the book to grab when you need a dose of escapism after you realise that your house is a mess, there is no snow falling as you gaze longingly out the window, when you pass on the PSL because pumpkins and coffee are a no no and you realise that you have central heating and not a log burner whilst having a mini strop that woolly hats give you frizzy hair and thus will never make it to your autumn wardrobe.

In summary, the book is heavy on gorgeous pictures and light on much else. Not many of us need help on making popcorn nor how to light a candle. It is rather vacuous to be honest, the how to steps on how to make paper snowflakes was an almost insulting inclusion.

the art of hygge

 I think the authors meant well with this book, but it’s rather lacking in everything except pretty pictures, the likes of which have been circulating social media for the past few years.

It is certainly worth purchasing, but if you can find it on the cheap then maybe you won't feel bad for buying a book full of pics you'll see on your Instagram and Pinterest feed.

A little bit broken

I wish there was a guide as to how to deal with life after depression.

I’m feeling a little lost, a bit broken and a whole heap of befuddlement.


After enduring 7 years of my own personal hell….this is it?

I don’t know what I was expecting, I never expected to get here so I’m not real sure as to what I’m supposed to do. Get on with life obviously, but it’s been stagnant for so damn long that I’m not sure where to start.

I want to start a business for my woodturning, I need to focus more on my health and relationships. I’m learning how be a parent again. I need to find my confidence and self worth.

But I’m at a loss as to where to begin.

My interaction skills are awful, stilted and still at the mercy of anxiety attacks. How do I adult when I can’t talk to adults?

I thought the hard part was over, but really it seems like it’s just beginning.

I’ve got another chance at life in a way, one I can’t afford to waste, yet here I am…stuck at the starting line.

Depression was in a way a safe place, an excuse for letting things slide and not giving it my all.

I don’t have and hope to never have those excuses again, but getting a jump start on living outside of the fog of depression is bewildering and rather terrifying.

No one told me, there was no advice on what to do. I know I should just do something, but when I spent years barely functioning that something now seems momentous.

I’m feeling a little bit broken.

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