Mamma Gone Bat Arse Crazy!

It’s official my kids are driving me crazy, like proper full on bat arse crazy,

mummy-got-that-funny-eye-twitch-and-hair-going-all-80’s-fuzzy-perm-style-from-the-steam-coming-out-her-ears,
type crazy.

You might remember last month I went pavement surfing when trying to stop Ethan running into the road, well my knee is still swollen and painful so last week I hobbled off to see my GP and am delighted to say I now face possible surgery to see what is wrong and how to fix it.
Thank you Ethan!

Ahren then cheered me up no end when he smashed the glass jar from my coffee maker. To buy a replacement is £17.99!
Oh and there are none in stock, great!
Thank you Ahren!

Last week my neighbour caught me chasing Ethan around the garden, nothing strange about that, if it wasn’t for the fact that I was trying to take a watering can off him. He wanted to pee in the watering can and then water the garden. Not too sure what the neighbour thinks of us really!

Probably the same kinda thing that the phone guy does. Some bloke, who I assume works for a phone company was up the phone pole behind our garden last week, doing some important phone cable type thing. I was in the garden hanging out laundry when Ahren decides to ‘help’, he picks up a bra a yells “mummy, it's for your booblies”.

And then puts it on his head.

ahren is a boob

He then asks Ethan to put the other cup on his head, lucky for me Ethan declines the offer.

Shame, oh the shame!

Oh and I fell down the stairs last week too, I’m still in pain and everyday around midday my back starts hurting like crazy. The boys do not show any sympathy even though the reason I fell down the stairs is because they screamed, scared the bejinkos out of me and I ‘oh so gracefully’ miss-stepped and fell down the stairs, hurting my arse in the process, ouchie.

Thank you boys!

Yesterday I stood on a piece of glass, somehow missed from sweeping up the smashed jar.  It’s only a tiny piece but hurts like hell if I put any weight on my foot i.e. walk or stand!

The hubster suggested I soak my foot in some water to help get the glass out, so out comes the foot spa. After sorting it out, I’m sat in the armchair, foot spa gently soothing away the hullabaloo of the past week or so, drifting away to that happy place where children behave and mums stay sane, when a strange tinkling sound brings me back to my living room.

AHREN PEE’D IN THE FOOT SPA

Before I could remove my feet and tell him that peeing on a person is only to be done if said person is stung by a jelly fish or sting ray thingy and no medical personnel are on hand {all those Friends re-runs are worth it}, Ethan comes charging across the room, nekkid bum in all its glory and PEE’S in the foot spa, really the boy wont be out done!

So, foot spa session ruined, glass still in foot, I’m thinking my kids can’t really do much more to increase my levels of stress.

But you just know they had something else planned.


This morning, it was still early a wee bit dark in my bedroom, and I’m debating dragging myself out of bed when I hear a creak on the stairs.

Oh fluffernuts someone is in the house!

I scan the room for a weapon, decide the bedside lamp is too nice to crack over someone's head, then see the vase I dropped on my foot yesterday, my still throbbing foot assures me it will do a fair bit of damage to whatever nutter has decided to invade my family home.

Just as I’m about to creep across the bed to get the vase a beam of light from a torch shines in my room, I’m about to go all primal mummy and just rip whoever it is to pieces, when two figures enter my bedroom…

the bloody kids can open the baby gate on their bedroom door.

What the what now!

Surely they shouldn’t be able to do this for another 15 years or so, now they have full run of the house, no where is safe!

The little tinkertots don’t realise that their early morning shenanigans have most likely shredded my very last nerve, almost got them pulverised and ruined any chance of me ever sleeping soundly in my bed ever again.

Our last defence against the kids has now gone.

That gate was all that kept me from going total bat arse crazy, knowing I could pop them in their room, shut the gate knowing they were safe, it was a special place.

Now its nothing more than a stupid bedroom.

I would go throw myself on my bed and cry, but my foot, knee and back hurt too much to get up the stairs let alone throw myself on top of anything.

Fingers crossed I won’t be so rudely woken tomorrow!

Comments

  1. Oh my, you've had quite a time! Just remember that someday, when they're teenagers, you can use all of those stories and pictures to humiliate your boys to their friends! Hope things calm down for you. Sue

    ReplyDelete
  2. I only have one to deal with and he out wits me everyday so I don't have any words or wisdom, but you did make me laugh. Thank you and good luck, I think we'll both need it. xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh my goodness, I hope that things settle down a little soon and my fingers are crossed that you get a couple of peaceful days. Parenting is hard work at the best of times but when you're injured it feels impossible! I hope that your knee injury will resolve itself without the need for surgery, it may be worth asking for a referral to a physio first.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh no! You poor thing! I hope things settle down soon.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You made me think about my baby... Almost the same age... I deal with one... I dont know how crazy it gonna be when the little brother grows... Hope everything gets better... =)

    ReplyDelete
  6. wowee wow wow wow. that's a dozy of a list. i'd be going mad, too. i have to admit that i have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy... and the bra on the head and pee stories crack me up!! didn't one of them pee somewhere else too?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my goodness...poor you! you will be bandaged from head to toe soon if this carries on ;o)
    I figure it must be something to do with the moon!
    hope you find some calm soon
    happy weekend
    love jooles x
    P.s i do love that photo!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh My Gosh!!!! They are just like kittens & puppies!!! So stinkin cute..........then they start walkin & talkin!!! Just a heads up, this too shall pass!!!!! I do pray for a MUCH better week, month, year ahead for you!!!! ;)
    Chelle - kweenbee_612@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh my word, Amanda! I'm sure you've heard it before, but some day you will look back on all of it and laugh. These kinds of stories are always shared in front of my nephews girlfriends and perspective wives. You will have plenty of embarrassment material later. Not like it helps your sanity now, but it's something to look forward to. Maybe? God bless you, you are a great mummy to keep your cool. Perhaps a gate with a different latch that they cannot figure out just yet will keep them put a little while longer.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Amanda, I have just found you blog and I'm loving it! I love how real you are about everything...oh and your crafty goodness..yum! :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Okay this did make me chuckle a little, but my word what a handful those little monkeys are! Now a year on....are they any better? Any what's more is your foot/knee/back better? I do hope so! Thanks for linking to #oldiesbutgoodies.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am so sorry i actually laughed at him peeing i the foot spa .. feel free to banish me lol

    ReplyDelete
  13. When mine could open the gate I tied it up with a belt, bad mummy! They couldn't open it after that though x

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thank's for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate each one!