Ranty Friday ~ The Unspoken Commuter Rules

I love a good bitch rant, who doesn’t?

And lucky for us Mummy Barrow has provided us a safe a cosy place to vent our rants.

I used to be a commuter, a tedious journey from the coast up to the ‘delightful town’ of Croydon, depending on where I lived the journey was between 1h 10 mins and 1h 30 mins, each way, unless of course there was a delay and it could take 6 hours!

I have a problem with commuters who don’t abide the unwritten Commuter Code, even worse are those who dare get on the commuter train who aren’t even commuters.

I have a long list of issues so I’ll list them

  1. Seats, they are for bums, not a suitcase, not your dirty shoes, your handbag, your filthy dog and certainly not for taking a piss on. I don’t care if you handbag cost £200, chuck it on the floor or keep it on your lap, I will move it for you.
  2. Arm rests, DO NOT EVER try to ‘discreetly’ nudge a persons arm off the rest, there is nothing discreet about  relentlessly knocking a persons arm in the hope they will let you have the arm rest, if you want ask, otherwise I will be jabbing my elbow in your kidney.
  3. Feet, you very well may be a freakishly tall person, with legs that can’t fit under the table, shockingly this doesn’t entitle you to kick my ankles in the hope that my feet will suddenly disappear up my arse allowing you the extra room to unfold your legs. I will kick back and I glare, and I will make a big deal out of it if you do it again.
  4. Music, your choice is crap, neither I nor anyone else want to listen to it, especially through a pair of tinny sounding headphones, if you must share your music, bring a Brixton Suitcase and play it properly.
  5. Food, it stinks and you chew like a cow, just don’t do it.
  6. Newspapers, I paid for my paper, piss off and buy your own, stop reading over my shoulder. Don’t spread the paper as wide as it it go, it will get in someone’s face, piss them off and they will be forced to rip your paper in half, again.
  7. Books, if you see someone reading a book you have already finished DO NOT tell them the ending, of you do, be prepared to stump up the money for the book you have ruined!
  8. Mobile phone conversations, no one cares who you name drop, what you have / had for dinner or who you pulled, keep it down!
  9. Getting on a train, ALWAYS let the people off the train first,if you try to push past me onto the train so you can get the last seat, I will push off train.
  10. Getting off a train, sometimes you will have to move to allow people to get off the train, shocking but true, deliberately getting in my way will result in you being shoved to the side to allow me to pass.
  11. The loo, you wouldn’t leave your home bathroom in that state, don’t leave a public bathroom covered in your “stuff”.
  12. Sweaty dude, you are nasty and disgusting, lifting up your sweat drenched t-shirt and resting your sweat covered naked back on the seat is gross DON’T DO IT.
  13. Apple dude, we get it, you work for Apple, and own EVERY SINGLE Apple product, but do you really have to place every item on the table thus preventing anyone else from using it
  14. Porn dude, DUDE change your browser or whatever so we don’t all see *that* at 6.20 in the damn morning.

I think that’s it for now, wow, over 10 years this has been building, feels good to get it out.

Normally I’m such a nice and calm person, really I am, but once I step foot on that train, all bets are off.

People have often thought that as I’m only 5’2” they can easily ‘bully’ me, umm no, you can’t, I will take you down. I’ll probably feel bad and ruin it by apologising, but you’ll get the message!

If you need to get something off your chest or just fancy reading some more rants, hop over to Mummy Barrow and see who else is ranting!


  1. oh.my.god. ALL OF IT. Totally agree and although I'm not a commuter I get around London enough that most of that irritates me too. Especially the music. Why is it always the people with the shittiest taste in music that play it the loudest?
    Quite often I've been grateful that I don't walk around with a rusty fork in my pocket otherwise many a loud music playing a**hole may be walking around with prong marks in their legs.

  2. I am with you on all counts, but you forgot one. The 'I pretend I can't see that you are pregnant / elderly / in need of a seat ' type. I entertained a fair few fellow tube passengers with my witty comments at these people when I was pregnant! But every other journey there was one of those! Sitting in the blue badge seat, funny that!

  3. I haven't commuted for a very long time, but I remember all this. I especially hated the men who sat next to me who obviously had SUCH a huge amount between their legs that they had to spread them wide, leaving my legs squashed against the wall. These same men were usually the ones who read the broadsheets and opened them fully, taking up my air space.


    Please have it made into a poster and taped to the wall of every tube station every where.

  5. WOW your post. YES. I hear you on all of it! I'm not a commuter but if I go into London it's by train (London-Brighton line, so horribly busy with filthy trains) and your comments always apply!

  6. You've really made me appreciate the fact that I can drive and no longer HAVE to use public transport. I shall bear this in mind on the way to Britmums.

  7. Ha!! suddenly very glad not to be a commuter! x

  8. haha ;) this brought back some painful commuting memories... and was a stark reminder that I do NOT miss it at all! xx

  9. YES! *high fives* YES! Oh - and remind me NEVER to get on a train with you!

  10. Food, it stinks and you chew like a cow, just don’t do it.

    Wine came out of my nose^^ LOOOL. I don't often catch the train so I don't have much experience but lots of this can be said for using the BUS. Dreaded things!

  11. Teehee love this list! I am so with you on the music out of tinny headphones thing...but I must admit to being guilty of reading the paper over people's shoulders when I've forgotten to bring my own reading matter- sorry! Thanks for linking up to #oldiesbutgoodies this week :)


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