Absentee Parents Aren’t Always Absent

There was a question on Twitter the other day that got me thinking.

Question. Does anyone have a child or children they have not watch grow up? Either through work or circumstances.

It struck me that a parent doesn’t actually need to be separated physically from their child or children to miss them growing up.

Some like me, are there, and we still miss out.

I checked out emotionally when Ethan was PICU and not expected to make it, I was already separated physically from Ahren, PICU is no place for healthy baby.

I was a mother to twins but had neither with me.

Once I accepted that Ethan probably wouldn’t be making it home, I switched off; I believed it would be easier to mourn him if I stopped falling in love with him, the less I loved him the less it would hurt.

It makes no sense, but then dealing with mental health issues rarely does.

I remained emotionally checked out over the next few years.

I couldn’t tell you anything about their first steps, words, teeth none of the mile stones.

I missed them all.

I was there physically, but emotionally, I was nowhere.

It’s a hard thing to admit to, but something I need to deal with.

There’s a guilt that goes with this which if left unchecked could cripple me, no parent wants to admit they have let their children down, but that’s what I did.

When they needed me most, I pulled away.

For their sake, if not mine I have to make the most of everyday to ensure that what we lost doesn’t define our relationship in the future.

empty baby books

Although I’ve been thinking about this for a while, it was Sam’s question and follow up post that got me to finally put it in to words, and whilst they may not make much sense to anyone else, its a relief to actually get it done.

Comments

  1. SPAM SPAM SPAM ^^^

    ah dude, I totally sympathise, other reasons obvs but I wasn't "here" for Bean for a good year and even now have the odd day. It's shit to admit, I know that, but all we can do is learn for our shortcomings...

    I too totally failed to keep up with the milestone books, the memory boxes etc... How about we get drunk and elaborate a bit? "Ethan grew wings aged 2" etc?

    Lots of love dude xx

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    1. Awww shucks Chuck, that is a bloody good idea

      Luvs ya too

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  2. Thanks for sharing this. I mean really, it's a good thing for sure. I can't even being to understand what you've been through but it's good that you have folks around you to hold you up.

    Yeah, top posting. We didn't do milestones either. Too busy pulling our faces off and shouting. The bad mixes in with the good and makes it what it is.

    x

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    1. Thank you, it was your question and post which finally made me get my thoughts in some kind of order, so thank you!

      Seems a fair few us didn't do the milestones, I'm liking Cas's idea though, would definitely make the record books more interesting! x

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