Insanity Knocking At The Door ~ My Scallywags Step It Up!

Some days are off the charts crap, others not so bad, you might even be lucky enough to have the odd awesome day. But if you’re anything like me, more often than not your days leave you thinking

“Did today really just happen they way I think it did?”

and that little voice that has been laughing at you since you found out you would become a parent is laughing hysterically, because it knows there are many more days like this to come.

cheeky scallywags

As a mum to twin boys I’m pretty used to the kind of days which end with me collapsed on the floor trying to drain the last drop of wine out the bottle whilst trying to untangle the Play Doh from my hair.

But this week has just about broken me.

The kids are a force to be reckoned with on a regular day, but when a full moon occurs / planets align or something whack a doodle happens the kids enter full on bat arse crazy mode.

That week is now, and I’m not sure there’s a long enough weekend nor enough alcohol to bring me back from the nervous breakdown that is hovering around me.

Yesterday was the final straw, after destroying their bedroom and throwing a cup at my head, the tykes climbed up on a radiator cover, opened the window and LEANING OUT THE WINDOW began throwing their toys and teddies out the window into the garden below.

My heart has just about stopped its rapid out of control beating and I can look at them without imagining their crumpled and broken bodies laying on the ground after a fall out the window.

This week has seen a frog in the loo,

a real life foxy porno,

THAT conversation,

a cup flung at my head,

bread in the Wii,

about 7 drinks knocked over {only 2 were mine}

a loo seat covered in toddler poo,

me tripping over a potty of piss,

a child refusing to eat anything,

2 feet in cups of coffee,

too many rugby tackle smack downs to count,

a slice of pizza in the loo,

a whole bunch of toys thrown out a window,

1 destroyed bedroom,

carpet burns from sliding down the stairs,

heart attack inducing kids sliding down the stairs BACKWARDS,

an entire loaf of bread crumpled up Hansel & Gretel style to make a trail through the house,

a hysterical child thinking he was going to be put in the rubbish bin,

the daily ritual that is “Naked Day”,

orange squash in the washing machine,

and last but not least some toddler crayon art to decorate the walls either side of the stairs.

It’s now Friday morning, still too many hours to go before the weekend starts, its raining and miserable out so I’m trapped indoors with two people intent on seeing me reduced to a dribbling, rocking back and forth, mumbling incoherently to a stuffed penguin shell of the person I am.

Any reinforcements who want to help tame these wild creatures will be welcomed with open arms and copious amounts of coffee, I shall try to keep the dribbling to a minimum, but no promises.


  1. on twitter you sounded a bit fed up.......I now know why!! jeez lady, you need wine....or vodka........and LOTS OF IT!! Roll on June xxx

  2. Oh I hear ya... I always say my 3 boys are in a contest to see who can get me committed to an mental hospital first! I'm so tired of bodily fluids, mud, crumbs, tantrums, sassing, etc....

  3. That Is some serious toddler terrorising shit! I sent hugs, should have sent vodka. (mrsf3 on twitter)

  4. Wow!! That's impressive in one week! Well done for even making it to Friday! Although this amused me at the same time all I could think was I have all this to come!

  5. Oh my god, that's bad. It makes me feel a bit better that I'm not the only one that has bad days. My are mostly down to my crazy 21 month old, with input from my 5 year old when she gets home from school. I should mention they are both girls.

  6. Wow, don't think my girls were as bad as that but it does all seem like a bit of a haze now they are off to school. Don't worry it won't last forever and think of all the stories you will have to tell :-)


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