Life with my twins is many things, boring is never one of them.
Never could I have imagined the level of inappropriate comments and conversations I seem to have with my children, especially whilst they are still such a young age.
I realise that it’s mostly my sense of humour that makes these conversations seem inappropriate, but damn, they just sound wrong, and it’s not until afterwards I think “Bloody hell, please don’t let the neighbours have heard that”.
The other week the boys got a bag of 8 or so little bouncy balls, for 2 days or so our conversations sounded like this
“Leave your balls alone and eat your lunch please”
“But I like holding my balls, they’re blue”
“It doesn’t matter what colour they are, you don’t need to be playing with your balls when you’re eating, put them down”
“But they’re my balls!”
“I don’t care, put them down please,do you want me to take your balls away?”
“Noooooooooo I love my balls”
Over the past week or so 3 footballs have been kicked into various neighbours gardens, none of which we’ve gotten back, grrrrr, so off we strolled to the shops to buy new footballs.
Being the modern day comfortable in who are they are kinda chaps that my boys are, they chose pink glittery footballs.
We hadn’t even left the shop and the inappropriate comments were starting
They were skipping around the store singing
“We got pink balls, we got pink balls, we got pink baaaaalllllllllllls”
“Yes darlings, you have pretty pink balls, don’t drop them or they might bounce away”
“Mummy, will daddy love our new balls?”
“Daddy will love your balls, they are very pretty and ball-ish”
“Will daddy want to play with our balls?”
“Of course he will, everyone will want to play with your balls, now let the lady zap your balls so we can pay for them”
We then stroll back home, the boys clutching their footballs tightly, once we’re home I tell the boys to take their balls in the garden to have a kick about.
“But they’ll get dirty outside”
“Balls are supposed to get dirty, you can clean them afterwards”
“Mummy can you clean them?”
“No, I can help you clean your balls, but I won’t do it all. They’re your balls, you can clean them when they get dirty”
“Can they go in the tub with you later?”
“No! I don’t want a pair of dirty balls in my bath!”
The boys love bubbles, we’ve probably gone through 15 or so different bubble blowers, none of which seem to last more that a week or so, so now I just get them these little pots with the wand doodahs.
Everyone knows you dip the wand in and take it out, no faffing around, just in and out.
But no, my Ahren has to get all fancy and starts waggling his wand around, making the mixture all bubbly which is not conducive to effective bubble blowing.
“Can I dip my stick in too?”
“Yep, go on, then blow gently”
(aggressive wand dipping and waggling ensues, not surprisingly no bubbles are blown)
“Ahren, I told you to dip it in and take it out, in and out only, no waggling!”
(more aggressive wand waggling, again no bubbles)
“Ahren! In and out, that’s all you need to do. In and out, try again, in and out only”
(wand is shoved rather aggressively into the pot of bubble mixture, sploshing it over the sides)
“Not so hard! Gently dip it in and out then blow”
(a spray of bubble mixture is blown in my face)
“Shall we wait for daddy to show you how to do it?”
“Yay, daddy can blow with us”
We seem to have several conversations like this everyday, which always result in me snorting back laughter as I try not to react to the conversations.
Am I the only one who has innocent conversations with their kids which just sound inappropriate? Please tell me I’m not!