When you become a parent there are a lot of unexpected highs and lows.
The highs are awesomely amazing, you’ll find out about those on your own when you least expect it.
The lows can be heart breaking and soul destroying.
These are the ones you never expect, you think they’ll happen to others and that you will never be “that parent”.
But you will be.
We are all “that parent” at one point or another, and it’s okay.
You will raise your voice, shout at them in frustration, anger, sleep depravity or fear when they run into a road, then look at their shocked face as their chin wobbles at the shock that mummy / daddy can actually get angry with them. You’ll feel like an ogre, the worst person ever, promise to do it never again, but you will.
You will accidentally bump their head on something, unlikely to cause any really damage but you will still feel like a shitty parent who marred their perfect skin.
You will wish they’d just be quiet for 5 minutes, they may make you wonder why you even had kids, then you’ll instantly feel bad, promise them the world and sob uncontrollably whilst feeling like the worst person in the world.
You will have to say no, often, denying them what they want, even when they pout, look at you with those doe eyes and melt your heart a little more.
They will get sick, you’ll blame yourself even when common sense tells you it’s not your fault.
You’ll have pangs of regret for things you can no longer do, feel like crap for not appreciating your child and promise them the world, and still secretly wish you could leave the house in under 20 minutes without military precision organisation of children, change bags and travel.
When they wake up for the 8th time that night, you’ll try to ignore them until they fall asleep, but then trudge to their room, give them cuddles and read yet another story.
You will get angry when they ruin your favourite…………., then smile when later they tell you they love you and you’ll struggle to remember why you even liked……….. in the first place.
You’ll feel inadequate as a parent when comparing yourself to others, even whilst they secretly feel inadequate when compared to you.
We’re only 4 years in to our parenting journey, and already I’ve had numerous occasions where I’ve felt like the worst parent in the world, ever.
But looking at my kids today, I know I haven’t done as bad a job at this parenting malarkey as I think, I’ve been needlessly hard on myself, and no doubt I will continue to be so, but it’s nice every once in a while to realise I’m actually doing pretty well!!