This week has been huge.
Off the scale progress in recovering parts of myself I had thought lost forever.
My achievements might seem small, but to anyone who knows anything about mental health and the struggles each day can be, you’ll understand just why this feels like such an amazing week.
For the first time since Ethan came home from hospital in 2009 I’ve managed to leave the safety and security of my
prison home everyday for the past week.
Just me and the kids.
And I didn’t have a single panic attack!
This is huge, 12 months or even 3 months ago this wouldn’t have been possible, I’d have found an excuse, flipped out or just not even thought of going outside.
We’ve not ventured far, just into town and to the beach, but it’s a start. I’ve chatted to strangers, played with the kids on the beach, and most importantly, I’ve actually enjoyed it!
Each day I’m now looking forward to going outside, the thought of playing with the boys, doubled over with laughter at their daft antics is the best medicine.
We’re going out later today, and have plans for the next two days as well, and instead of the usual panic creeping over me, I’m looking forward to the trips out.
The anxiety and panic attacks that have been part and parcel of my PND and PTSD have been life altering, stealing from me any sense of normalcy, it’s one thing to be told things get better, it’s a truly amazing experience to actually feel yourself getting better.
It finally feels like I’m breathing again.