Tips On Taking The Kids To The Beach ~ Parental Survival

In a moment of madness, most likely caused by waking up before 5am, I had the ridiculous idea that I would take the kids to the beach for a picnic.

sandy beach

Whilst I was there apologising to strangers, getting sand out my bra and retrieving fly away flip flops I thought I’d share a few things I’d learnt on how to make the experience more enjoyable for everyone.


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Don’t Go!

The most important tip I can give is DON’T DO IT. Never ever mention the beach, ever. Pretend it doesn’t exist or that children are banned, whatever you have to do to avoid going, DO IT.


Take a Friend

If your kids have outwitted you and convinced you that going to the beach is a good idea, don’t take them alone, a random stranger coming along is preferable to taking kids to the beach on your own.

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Avoid Beach Type Beaches

Avoid beaches with sand and or stones, the pesky buggers will only get in your flip flops, sandwiches, drinks, camera and other random places.

stones, sand, beach, eastbourne, pier

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Avoid Everyone Else

Avoid anyone who looks as though they are taking their sun worshiping seriously, cries of

“He has back boobies”


“Can we poke her, she’s sleeping AAARRRRGGGHHHH”

tend to piss people off.

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Stay Alert!

Do not close your eyes for longer than a second, your kids can run faster than you think, especially in the direction you told them not to go.

runaway children, beach, eastbourne, pier

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Expect Chaos

Do not expect your children to sit on the blanket and actually partake in a picnic like civilised human beings.

They are not civilised and it’s debatable whether they are human beings.

throwing stones, beach, eastbourne, pier

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Cover up!

You will look ridiculously doofus like trying to put sun cream on your own back.

Do not ask your children to help, they will be more interested in chasing down a poor seagull.

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Leave the sand at the beach!

Don’t be tempted to drag half the beach home with you, your washing machine won’t appreciate it and neither will you when you find it in those “random places” two weeks later!

So there you have it, my tried and tested tips on a “successful” trip to the beach, you are welcome!


  1. You have just made me laugh soooooo much! Number 1 is definitely right! I went with my Mum and Dad so a 1 on 1 ratio and still it was a nightmare. We ran out of clothes for middle man and he was the child running to within an inch of a sun worshiper and covering them with sand!

  2. Oh man... you so speak the truth :)

  3. Love it! I hate the fact that Monkey is 3 and half and still hasn't been to a beach, but the idea also fille me with dread! #PoCoLo

  4. Oh no, no, no. I love the beach and have taken mine on my own since they were a proper tiny handful. Ok so I have had to rescue a couple lost from the lifeguard over the years, but eventually they grow up and all now understand the rules and respect the beach. Your post did make me laugh though. #PoCoLo

  5. I can associate with this - especially from when I was a kid and my parents took the 7 of us to the beach. My brother got lost on Weymouth beach once (which is HUGE) - my Mum found him happily playing at the lost kids section! Thanks for linking to PoCoLo :) xx

  6. I Love this beach. and pics so nice..:)


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