Little Lost Girl

 

I’ve been feeling lost lately, almost like I’m slowing down whilst the world and everyone in it keeps rushing past in a blur.

It makes me panicky and uneasy.

Unsettled, like I need to take off and go somewhere.

I get like this every year in the run up to Christmas.

It will be 13 years this Christmas since my dad died, and I still haven’t got my head round the fact that he’s not here.

It seems ridiculous that a person who had such an impact on my life; who still influences my reactions and decisions hasn’t been here for such a long time.

We fought, argued and hated with a passion, yet we still loved, talked and laughed.

He cheated death so many times I became complacent to him ever leaving us, he was a guy who’d survived bomb explosions, heart attacks and the bottle, until one day he was just gone.

No warning, no nothing, just gone.

I was a daddy’s girl, the tom boy who would listen to his stories, nab his whisky and search through his vinyl collection for something to listen to.

I miss the stories, the cheeky drinks when everyone else was asleep and discovering a shared interest in music.

I miss that no one calls me Curly anymore, but I’d hate whoever tried.

I hate that it still hurts so much after all this time.

I’m a mum now, I have my own kids, but today I feel like a little girl, who’s lost and just wants her daddy back.

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  1. I'm so sorry, I'm not surprised you are feeling like you are as it must be a really hard time if year.
    We all feel vulnerable and like we need are parents at times no matter how old we are.
    Thinking of you x

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  2. This must very such a tough time for you. Mixed with joy of the season, no wonder you feel lost.

    As you know I am feeling a little like this at the moment, like you told me, always here to listen if you need me xxx

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  3. So sorry. I lost my Dad three years ago very suddenly, I am still heartbroken. I know exactly what you mean about missing the stories.

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  4. I am so sorry lovely. This must be such a difficult time for you. Sending you my best thoughts and take care of yourself. Thanks for linking to PoCoLo x

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