The Harsh Truth About Being a Parent

 

If parenting books are to be believed, becoming a parent is a joyful wonderful time, full of rose tinted Hallmark moments.

the truth about parenting

What they don’t tell you, is that it’s also actually really rather disgusting and painful.

Imagine some random stranger strolled up to you and shoved their fingers in your mouth.. you’d bite them most likely, but when your adorable little buba does it, it’s so cute and adorable.

But it’s not, where have those fingers been? Was he just digging worms out the garden or trying to fish out a toy car from the pond? Has he bothered to wash them after having a good old exploration of his nose to find the missing Lego?!

We don’t know! We assume little bubs is all nice and clean, with the fresh baby smell still clinging to their soft skin, even though they are crawling around, getting in everything and doing goodness knows what behind our backs.

blue arrows

I doubt there is a parent in existence who hasn’t ventured outside proudly {naively} wearing their badge of vomit or spit up. Don’t even get me  stared on the number of times a parent will be covered in their child's pee or the really unfortunate ones who dared to tangle with a dirty nappy only to end up somehow covered in the nasty brown stuff.

Of course, for stuff to come out, it must go in, and feeding time isn’t necessarily a pleasant experience. Whether it’s a baby teething whilst still on the boob, chewing delicate nips in to ravaged painful nubs with mama hoping cabbage leaves stuffed in bras will finally make it on to the catwalks, to the unsuspecting parent who ends up wearing a vile concoction of shredded chicken and pureed vegetables, either flung from a spoon or spat out like a missile aiming for your eyes.

The chances of flying food, increase tenfold if you are dressed in your best.

blue arrows

Kids and snot go together in a crazy way which defies the laws of nature. They wear it with pride, smeared across chubby faces and the sleeves of their clothes.

The generous ones will on occasion share the green, slimy grossness with you via a well timed sneeze or a subtle nose dragged across your arm.

Try to take the snot away, cause you know, sometimes it can impact their ability to breath effectively, you may as well being taking their favourite teddy and putting him a blender.

It’s their snot, they made it, they’ll eat it or wear it if they want to.

blue arrows

The promises you made your delicate ears as they were once again left ringing from the overly loud nights out of your late teens and early 20s, are shoved aside as your darlings ear piercing scream shatters the peace and quiet only found at 4.17 am.

The sound of a plane taking off is drowned out by cries which go on longer and louder than anything you’ve heard before, for no reason other than because they can.

blue arrows

Then there is the pain! Forget childbirth for a moment, ever had your hair / ear / finger or nose held in the clutches of a toddler or baby who is not only adamant that the afore mentioned body part is theirs but they want to use it as chew toy? The pain is ridiculously eye watering and there is nothing you can do until they get bored or finally succeed in removing it from you.

You can’t even imagine the pain of a baby or toddler ‘accidentally’ head-butting, punching or kicking you. They apparently don’t have much control over that kinda thing for a while, but the smirks and giggles say otherwise.

pink banner

There are of course good points to being a parent; they give good hugs, can on occasion do or say something adorable and when they sleep, it’s quiet! I’m sure there are many more, but I’m much too busy cleaning crayon off the walls and window to think of any!

 photo 3050e876-5d08-44fa-b416-1e09c2490383_zpse12fd438.jpg

7 comments :

  1. Sounds like somebody is having a tough day :) But think of all the memories both you and them are creating, and don't forget to take the pictures of all of that. And when they have their own kids, then you can have your evil laughter moment... :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is timely, after an unexpected sludgy sleepy midnight pyjama poo from my four year old last night - he's been dry at night for well over a year, so it was most unexpected all round! He was most nonplussed bless him...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ah, one of those reflective days - I'm having one a bit like that today, too. It is amazing, but also pretty tough!

    ReplyDelete
  4. It has its ups and downs, and we can can relate and reflect on those times. Great post. #PoCoLo

    ReplyDelete
  5. snot funny is it ;) (sorry) ah but then they grow up and bring a whole load of wonders into your life (have you ever smelt a pair of teenage boys socks?)
    #PoCoLo

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ah yes, the trials of parenthood. It's amazing what we find acceptable (to a point!) when we have kids! Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lucas says - Yep - done pretty much all of these things at somepoint. Bet you're like the Mother and forget all about them though when I give you a big fat juicy kiss and cuddle :) #pocolo

    ReplyDelete

Thank's for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate each one!

09 10