Sometimes so small, I don’t notice them.
I know I’m ‘recovering’ from my PND and PTSD.
I don’t expect to ever be 100% free from the shadows around the edges, but as long as there is good and happy in each day, I’m ok with a little gloom.
Today I experienced one of ‘those’ moments.
I saw one of my support workers, she’s an amazing lady who saw me at my worse. I was broken and just….empty, everything that was me had disappeared leaving nothing but a shell.
She helped me pick up the pieces, got me out the house, helped me interact with my children, built my confidence in me. There are so many other tiny ways in which she helped until one day I’d had my ‘quota’ of help and she was gone.
Thankfully she had helped establish enough of ‘me’ that I didn’t fall back too far. I was able to pick up the pieces and keep going, building me back up piece by piece.
When I saw her earlier I was dropping the kids off at school, and it hit me just how far I’d come.
The person who had crumbled to the floor sobbing, screaming and throwing things in frustration, who didn’t know how to interact with her babies, and had became a prisoner in her own home was now walking her children to school, singing a ridiculous song about monsters with exploding heads whilst admiring the first signs of Spring.
All those things I thought I couldn’t do, I was doing!
There was a time when I’d have said PND and PTSD were the worst things to happen to me, but now….I’m glad for them.
I’m not happy with the situations that triggered them, but, I’m without doubt more thankful for the life I have, the children I’ve been blessed with and the man who stood beside me throughout it all.
Life is good.