Up until this morning I’ve always been a proud mama, sure my kids have managed to embarrass me on many occasions, but never had I felt ashamed of one of them.
Until today, and I must admit I’m finding it hard to process.
Our morning had gone well, considering it was the first day back after the Easter break, it went amazingly well, no tears, tantrums or rushing around.
It wasn’t until Ethan got on the school bus and responded to an innocent question from the teacher with a “Yes, you silly idiot” that things fell apart.
After getting over the shock of his out burst I took him off the bus, told him off, promised him we’d talk about this after school and asked him to apologise to his teacher for being rude.
Our perfect morning was shot to hell with some careless words and Ethan was left crying whilst I was torn between feeling ashamed of his uncharacteristic outburst and wondering where the heck he’s gotten the idea that it’s okay to talk like that.
His father and I both watch what we say around the boys, knowing how easily they pick things up we make sure not to say anything around them that is inappropriate, and whilst ‘silly idiot’ may not be the worst thing in the world to call some it is certainly something they have never heard from us.
I hate to admit it, but I feel not only ashamed of his little outburst but also disappointed in him. He has been on the receiving end of bullies, and knows full well the impact of careless words. It’s disappointing that he’d make such a flippant remark to someone who has always treated him with respect and kindness, the shock on her face said it all.
I really do hate this feeling, it’s totally new and unexpected, I really hope it’s not something I become used to.