I’ll be first to admit that depression is no fun, I’ve been honest in just how debilitating it can be. But that doesn’t mean that it’s all bad, you just have to fight your way through the bad to see any kind of good.
Sometimes it isn’t until you are stood on the road to recovery that you can look back with a clear mind and actually see that some good can come from a hellish nightmare.
I’ve found several positive side-effects from my depression
1) An appreciation for my children
Having lived with an absolute apathy for life for several years, the sheer joy I get from the most simple of interactions with my children is amazing. Dealing with Social Services, my own battle with suicide and several close bouts of life and death with both Ethan and Ahren, all prove how fragile life and parenting can be, just the privilege of calling myself their mother is something I cherish.
I don’t know if my feelings would have been this strong without the depression, but having lived through such a dark phase, I appreciate it all the more.
2) Respect & endless appreciation for hubs
At times I think hubs had it worse than me.
Whilst I was drugged up and having therapists thrown at me, he was standing behind me; propping me up, working full time, taking care of the kids and a whole host of other things with no support. There was no one to catch him when he felt like it was all too much.
Having seen my father battle depression I have some idea of what he went through, and honestly I’m surprised he stayed with me, hand on heart I can say I was an absolute bitch to live with.
I will forever be in his debt; for his ability to see through all the crazy and still see me.
He was a good man before all this, now, he’s simply amazing.
3) Realising there is always tomorrow
I’ve had more set backs with my depression and PTSD than I care to count, some days I don’t really think I ever be 100% free of them, but that’s okay.
Because as shitty as today is, there is always tomorrow, when I get another chance.
4) Knowing what matters
There is nothing like planning your own death and the aftercare for your children to make you realise what matters most.
I may not have the ideal career, a tidy home, a holiday in the near future or any number of immaterial things I once thought I needed, what I do have is my health, a wonderful family and a home where I feel safe and loved.
5) Living creatively
Way way back when depression was first kicking in, I realised I needed an outlet. Something to do which proved I wasn’t as useless as I felt.
Since then I’ve learnt a whole host of new skills which have enabled me to focus my feelings on something creative rather than destructive.
These are just 5 ways in which depression has given, rather than taken away from me.
Whilst I wouldn’t wish depression or PTSD on anyone, I feel it’s important that people realise there can be something positive from all the heartache.