Being an adult is scary, there’s an awareness of the frailty of life that only comes from loss and the realisation of your own mortality.
As I child I was protected by my own naivety, despite having a big sister who died of leukaemia, from the realities of life and death.
Since becoming an adult I’ve faced them often, friends and family have succumbed to illness, accidents and misadventure. My own children have beaten the odds to be alive today.
Today I went to the doctors about a bump on by boob.
It’s been there a few weeks and over time it’s done nothing, no changes, no pain just lots of nothing.
I convinced myself I had 15 different types of cancer and was moments away from death, never ever Google “bump on boob”.
I’ve cried, prodded and poked the bump and made deals with myself that if it turns out to be nothing I’d be a better person; one more deserving of this life.
My gp assured me today it was nothing to worry about.
Never would I expect to be happy at hearing anything to do with my boobs referred to as “unexciting” and “boring” but that is how she described that little bump which has stolen much of the joy from my life these past few weeks.
The sigh of relief as I left the surgery was huge and felt soul deep.
I realised that I haven’t lived enough, I’ve not had enough time being a mama, I’ve not made enough memories with hubs, I’ve not found out what I want to be when I’m a grown up.
There are so many adventures I’ve yet to go on, people I still have to meet and just so much life still left to live.
So, I shall brush away the tears of relief and happiness and set to on making the most of this wonderful thing called life, I may not know what I want to do, but I intend to have fun figuring it all out.
If you ever find a lump or a bump, please go see your doctor; life is precious and we owe it not only to others but also to ourselves to take care of and cherish the one we have.