Before I start moaning I fully accept that I no doubt piss off other parents with my style of parenting.
But having spent more time than is probably healthy for any somewhat sane person at the park supervising my kids as I try yet again to get them to run around enough to knacker them out, I’ve realised that I’m a grumpy sod and easily pissed off.
So, these are the types of parent I hate at the park.
1. The Hover Parent
This parent will as the name suggests hovers around their little darlings, usually with their arms wide open to make a protective barrier between their precious child and the great unwashed.
They get in the way of other children who have the tenacity to actually want to play on the slide at the same time as their darling child. They occasionally glare at you when their sighs and huffs go ignored and you fail to round up your herd of wild children.
If your child gets too close expect a travel size bottle of hand sanitizer to make a appearance.
2. The Buggy Bitches
Their precious cargo is zipped along in a nifty buggy which unbeknown to all has right of way.
Your ankles are mere obstacles to be bashed, battered and bruised as they attempt to roll over you rather than walk round or wait for you to step aside. Your children who walk are fair game for knocking over, they actually get points if they can make your child shed a tear.
Daring to put them in their place will unleash a tirade of uppity ranting's worth of a Daily Mail column bemoaning the continuing decline of parental rights of way.
3. The Vicky Pollard
They move as a group, for protection or maybe intimidation, not really sure which, either way it’s effective.
Lighting up a fag in the children's play park is their prerogative, there’s a sandpit ashtray after all.
They use language which would make a drunk, angry swearing sailor blush and call you a “posh bitch” if you ask them to tone it down a bit.
They are easily identified by their bellows across the park to their children, shouting is much easier than getting up and actually walking over to your child to inform them it’s time for lunch or time to go home.
4. The Couldn’t Careless
They don’t care; about their kids, your kids or anything thing else for that matter.
Their kid falls over and starts crying…meh.
Their kid knocks your child over…meh.
Their kid is stuck at the top of the climbing frame and too scared to get down…meh.
Generally speaking they do nothing, say nothing and just sit there…which is great, except for the fact there is at least one little person relying on them for safety and security.
Wow, I’m grumpier than I thought.
Am I alone with my dislike of certain parents or is there someone else I can bitch with?