Have you ever been so excited that you end up flapping your arms, feet fidgeting whilst on the verge of screaming with incoherent excitement?
Well, I’m there and it’s amazing.
As you may or may not know I reduced my antidepressants to one every 2 days, I’ve recently reduced them again to one every 3 days. And I’m doing good, great even.
I’ve not had any of the physical side effects which I experienced when I tried this a few years ago, those were nasty and definitely not something I want to experience again.
But more importantly I’m coping.
I’m feeling emotions and processing them in a healthy way. One of the things I most hate about depression is the lack of feeling, good or bad, it’s like a universal numbness.
Unless you’ve experienced not feeling emotions and I sincerely hope you never go through that, you can’t quite grasp just how amazing it is to be laughing so hard you have tears running down your face.
I think in general we take happiness or contentment at least for granted, we just assume our lows will eventually be lifted and we’ll be back to being a person feeling joy. But it’s not always that easy, and as well meaning as those memes and positivity sayings are, something being happy is harder than you think.
Having been at such a low point for several years, I hope never to take my happiness nor contentment for granted.
Even better is that my children have started to comment on how happy I am, as much as we tried to shield them from my depression they aren’t silly and they did notice mummy wasn’t always “there”. Knowing that my children can see how happy I am being their mummy is possibly the best feeling in the world.