I was rather naïve with my expectations of coming off antidepressants, in my excitement at the thought of being drug free I didn’t even think of my depression and anxiety existing outside of each other.
They arrived together, existed together and I foolishly thought that they would head off in to the distance together, leaving me well alone.
Alas, whilst the worst of the depression has gone the anxiety is still keeping me up at night. Fearful of starting my days. Afraid of phone calls and letters. The crowds are still too much and going out isn’t as enjoyable as I’d hoped.
The joy of finally being drug free is now marred by the fact that my anxiety is part and parcel of me and not a symptom of my depression.
In a perverse way I’m missing my depression, it made the anxiety so much easier to live with. Now I’m trying to figure out how to manage the anxiety without the numbing effect of antidepressants, and it isn’t easy.
I’m hoping that I’ll get a handle on my anxiety, it seems cruel that once I’ve finally started to come out of depression that anxiety comes along to ruin the positivity I’ve finally started to enjoy.
Mental health recovery is full of ups and downs it would seem.