Progress & A Breast Examination

There are moments when I realise just how far I’ve come in my recovery from depression and ptsd.

The other week, whilst on a walk across the South Downs I saw my GP, the woman who fought for, encouraged and consoled me throughout my battle with depression. Without her, I honestly can’t say for sure if I’d be where I am today. I used to see her at least once a month, yet when we smiled and exchanged ‘hellos’ I realised that it had been over a year since I’d last seen her. I couldn’t wipe the goofy grin from my face at just what that symbolised.


Yesterday I had another sign of progress, albeit a less pleasant one.

The other day I found a bump under my boob, this along with breast pain had me convinced I had breast cancer. I made that dreaded call to the GP, got myself an appointment and promptly burst in to tears when I sat down to speak to my GP.

After an examination, I was given the all clear. A muscle knot, a goddamn muscle knot under my boob! I was close to throwing myself at my GP with happy tears streaming down my face, I somehow refrained.


Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

As I walked back home the sense of relief was immense. But it got me to thinking, how would I have handled this situation 6 years ago, when in the worst of my depression I was planning my own death.

Would I have even made the appointment? I’m not sure I would. I let my health go by the wayside throughout my depression, I’m trying to fix that with healthier lifestyle choices, the most important one being not ignoring what my body is trying to tell me and seeking help when needed.

Depression is weird, it skews your perspective as to what matters, realising that if I’d found a bump back then, I most likely would have ignored it as I just so numb to everything, was humbling.

Yet, now, over a year since I’ve taken any medication for depression, I’m realising just how much I have to live for.

This is progress.


* The breast examination wasn’t as weird/awkward as I thought, they’re just boobs after all.

Men should also check for anything out of the ordinary, breast cancer doesn’t discriminate.

If you’re ever worried, go see your GP, chances are it’s nothing to worry about, but it’s always best just to make sure.

Don’t let depression stop you from seeking advice on other health issues *


  1. Well done on dealing with this. I think all of us girls who find a lump- and yes I've been there- think the worst immediately. Of course it's not always the dreaded C word but even if it is it's almost always curable these days. Glad it wasn't a worse scenario for you x


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